Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
