what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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