There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
