does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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