sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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