At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
