so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
