Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
