Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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