Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
