that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
