I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
