Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
