I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
