You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
