When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she peed on how many people?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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