just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
