I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let's get the cat blown out
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
