you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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