I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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