first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
