he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
