Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Two words: blizzard sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
