i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
