All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
