I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
