everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
