Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
