I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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