I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
