woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
