I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
