I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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