I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
