We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
