The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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