woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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