WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize