my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
