There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
