you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
