yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
