Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
