dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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