its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
