BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
its liver damage thursday
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
