wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
