i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
