I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
