new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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