Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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